April 30, 2012

As I let the water fall down my face in the shower I often think about all of the things on my to do list.  These often consist of various meetings or homework assignments.  Well today was different.  I got in the shower, let out what felt like the first breathe of fresh air in over a month and began trying to work my way through what I needed to do.  All that was there was graduation, but didn't I just tell myself I wasn't ready for this?  I'm crying again for the 5th or 6th time of the day.  I am not quite sure it was possible to cry in sadness one minute and 5 minutes later be crying in joy.  Mix those two with the other 500 emotions I feel and you have one delirious, confused soon to be graduate.  I keep telling myself things like "it will never be the same" or asking "when will I see her again?"  I love the hundreds of new sisters I have, the little sis' I thought i'd never have, and the irreplaceable friends I have now.  I have so much to thank Meredith College for.  -

Grateful

Here I sit in preparation for another journey.  I can't believe that tomorrow I will be in Belize.  It is hard to believe how fast the past few months have gone by, and even more hard to believe that I raised all my money for this trip.  I feel SO grateful for this opportunity and privilege to go to Cahal Pech, Belize.  Our group has been working hard to raise money to give the kids at Faith Nazerence a playground, and the day has come for us to go and see the fruits of our labor (and their construction team!).  It is hard to put how blessed I feel into words at this moment because I sit awestruck that the opportunity for me to learn and travel has again been offered.  I look forward to a trip where there will be conversation with new friends, time for devotion, and time for service and less time for replying to emails and messages.  Although I will return a little less physically rested, I hope this trip allows me to come back refreshed spiritually and emotionally as I dive into what will be the last few months of my time at Meredith.  This is time, and there is no time like the present! 


And through it all, we remember to hope:

Hope nonetheless.
Hope despite.
Hope regardless.
Hope still.

Hope where we had ceased to hope.
Hope amid what threatens hope.
Hope with those who feed our hope.
Hope beyond what we had hoped.

Hope that draws us past our limits.
Hope that defies expectations.
Hope that questions what we have known.
Hope that makes a way where there is none.

Hope that takes us past our fear.
Hope that calls us into life.
Hope that holds us beyond death.
Hope that blesses those to come.

-Jan Richardson

But what do I WANT?!

I think part of my hardship in deciding what I want sometimes is overshadowed by all of the things I don’t want out of that particular situation.  Take for example a big question.  What do I want to do after May?  Well great question, because you see I know that I don’t want to be designing home s for people that I feel could rather be giving that money to someone who either a)has no home or b)has a home which does not pass any codes.  Well we can knock out Residential design can’t we (or can we)?  Then we can take the fact that I don’t want to be designing office spaces for big business firms, because where is the fun in that?  We are then left without two of the main interior design focuses and left with hospitality and educational design.  Yes, I do love both of these, but is there a place that does one of those and NOT the other which I do not want to do.  Then we have to take into account my passion to help those less fortunate, but combine it with the fact that I will be one the “less fortunate” if come May I am jobless and have no place to live.  Here lays the problem to be solved.  Find something I love that, at least for a little while, can get me money to live. 

Another thing that I think will help me with these decisions is educating myself.  Here I sit with only one more semester at Meredith to go, and I can think of lots of classes I would have loved to take.  I think that by educating myself in different subject areas I can learn what I like, what I hate, and then what I may not like as much but be good at.  If I had known this freshman year I may have had a better outlook in classes and may have even done better.   There is now no time to wonder about the “what ifs,” but there is time to appreciate each and every moment I have to learn in the next 6 months.  I have the chance to talk to some people about housing issues in Raleigh and what people are doing to live in community with one another.  I think there are barriers which will take more than research and a project to fix in neighborhoods, and across our city.  I think that there is a solution to solving major problems of poor housing,  poor health, and poor education in our low income neighborhoods, and that is something I would like to be a part of.  What are the “other” neighborhoods doing that these low income neighborhoods aren’t, and if it isn’t being done because they don’t have the money how can they revise a similar plan to their area.  Not only are their problems in low income neighborhoods, there are problems in rich suburban neighborhoods too, or at least I believe so.  These neighborhoods are often under exposed to issues in the community and people decide to avoid problems rather than solve them. 

The next question would be how I can address my concerns to those issues with my knowledge and my degree.  That is the question I hope to find the answer to through internships this semester. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -Proverbs 3:5

Not EXPECTING in a season of WAITING and PREPARING

Tis the season to be… what are we called to be in this Advent season?  

I think that in the past two weeks alone I have been upset, sensitive, happy, humbled, joyful, anxious, thankful, and angry.  Those are just some of the emotions which I have felt through the past few weeks as I suffer loss, begin to wrap up a semester, work to see friends before the holidays, and expect (in perhaps a dangerous way) certain things to be coming for me this Advent season.  As we talked about the danger of expectations at community group last night I couldn’t help but think about what I am going through right now, or how dangerous it is for me to be expected Martin to come here in a few weeks when I really have no idea if he will or will not get a visa.  I think that I could say “tis the season of expectations” but I fear that is too dangerous, and so my hope is to alter that into a season of praise and peace in the unknown.  Praising Christ for all I have, whether it is near or far away.  I am thankful for the gift of love and I am humbled by the friends who have kept me up late this week because those nights were very precious and beautiful nights with friends.  I am realizing that whether I want to understand what is to come or not, I will not.  Being a senior, I am in a season of not knowing. 

Continuously in life we are faced with the unknown and with change.  The major changes in my life have created a space for me to learn about something I don’t think I could have otherwise.  That is what studying abroad was for me.  I didn’t think it was going to be easy to leave everything and everyone I loved when I went abroad but I knew that there was something more amazing than I could understand waiting for me at each new destination.  Each trip I didn’t just discover another gorgeous church or piece of art, but the chance to discover something about myself on each trip.  Life offers us the chance to learn about ourselves at each and every turn and at each and every place that we go.  

Prayer: May we see Advent as a time of WAITING for the coming of Christ and may we be PREPARING our hearts for that.  Let us see the beauty in preparing a way for Christ and let us seek the Lord as we wait for his coming this Holiday season. 

*Note: This blog was written quickly and in the midst of exams/projects, but I felt compelled to write and then share what I had written. 

Belize Sponsor Letter

Dear family and friends,                                               

            I hope this letter finds you doing well and enjoying fall, my favorite season.  Last spring I was able to study abroad in South Africa, and I saw and experienced things completely new to me.  I even worked with fellow service learning students to build a playground at Lynedoch Primary school outside of Stellenbosch where I was studying.  Through various service projects in the Raleigh community with Meredith Christian Association and within the work I was a part of in South Africa, I have learned that I enjoy seeing the world through the eyes of other people in their own communities.  This gives me the chance to educate myself first hand on the way other people are living.  Every time I enter a situation where I am serving I always come out having learned so much. 

This coming spring break, March 3-10, 2012, the Office of the Chaplain at Meredith College will be taking a group of students to Belize for a service trip.  Because of my involvement with Meredith Christian Association and my desire to see the world I have decided there is no other way I want to spend my spring break.  I will get the chance to work with children in t­­­he city of Cahal Pech by leading a literacy program and doing light construction at Faith Nazarene Primary School.  I anticipate that while on this trip I grow in my faith and gain more knowledge to take with me in post graduate work. 

Unfortunately my love and passion to serve and see the world is not enough to fund my trip.  Without financial support from my community of family and friends, I will not be able to afford a trip to Belize.  Receiving support is part of the preparation process for my trip to Belize.  I am also planning to sell handmade gifts during the holidays and will hold fundraisers with other participants before March.  I need to raise $1200 by February 1^st, 2012 so please think about helping me raise the funds by donating $150, $100, $50, $20 or even $10.  I would love any support you can give me, and hope that no matter your contribution you will pray for my trip.  You can visit my blog where there is a link to my PayPal account or you can mail checks (made out to Hannah Massey or Meredith College, noting it is a donation for my trip) to my address.  It is because of the love and support from family and friends that I am able to achieve success, and grow from experiences.  I know this trip to Belize will prove that love and support is evident. 

Link to Project Playground video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV6Qut5ls8M

            Thanks in advance for your support!

                        Grace and peace,

                                    Hannah Massey

God's Amazing Plan

I wrote this Saturday night.  I had not intended to share it but it seems many loved ones have needed to hear it, so here I share it:

Tonight at the Christian concert I joined some of my friends and I couldn’t help but stop and realize that the next couple of years, as much as I toy around with ideas of where I want to be, are not in my hands.  I have all of these ideas of where I may like to go next.  Yes I will be filling out the applications and preparing for the interviews, but it is God that will lead me to the right place, the right city, the right job, and the right people.  I have some comfort in knowing that.  I have been uttering the Lord’s Prayer to myself a bit differently recently. The one line that has stuck out more than any other is “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done.”  His will IS going to be done.  That is all I can pray and it will be done “on earth as it is in heaven” for that is why Christ died for us so that we may live to serve a meaningful life here on earth.  THAT is something to rejoice about every day.  THAT is enough of a gift to make anyone excited about.  THAT is Jesus’ amazing love!

Italy, 2009

Was that a dream?

June 14^th 2011

Now that I am back home and rearranging life while frantically searching for some work (so I can have money and keep my sanity in Laurinburg) I realize that I was REALLY just in beautiful South Africa for 5 months.  I can’t believe the semester I wanted from the moment I arrived as a freshman at Meredith has already come and gone before I could catch my breath.  As I begin to prepare for my last year of college and begin to realize that I must really get my mess together in the next year I panic.  I had some really good talk time with friends today and I almost wished I could have recorded our conversations because it was as if there was realization after realization about life after school and just things ahead in life like work, bills, and marriage.  I am not trying to say I need to figure all or any of those things out JUST yet, but at least the work part has got me under a bit of stress.  I know my search has only begun if I actually want to find some kind of work, but it also frustrating because I am neither here in Laurinburg long enough to work (that is a good but bad thing) or open to doing just anything.  I mean I would like to be happy doing what I am doing and while I understand I am most likely not going to find a paid job that will benefit my interior design studies, I can’t wear a cap and sit at a drive thru either.  I guess this gap between now and August is hard because I am not sure of what is ahead (at least between August and May) but I have no idea how I will find a good job and be happy here in Laurinburg right now.  This is a concern that arose within me before even leaving Stellenbosch, but now that I am physically in Laurinburg it is more present.  I would really like to find work, but whether that comes through or not I do know that there are a few more things I want for my summer and so I will try to rather focus on those goals instead so that I can feel productive and accomplished through them.  Some of these include continuing to work out, organizing all of my things, working through a cookbook, and just reflecting on the semester.

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills. –Buddah