Why I Serve.

This is a simple ask that no one trivialize what I have chosen, along with thousands of others, to do with my year.  That is especially because I don't want my work for the cause to end when my service term does, because that would be unsustainable and irresponsible.  You may call me crazy but I think anyone that doesn't do more for the homeless, hungry, and struggling should step back and realize what is crazy is the ignorance of our nation.  Let me elaborate...

In deciding to serve with Americorps for the year, I am choosing to serve my country and help those in need.  What is happening to us, that I have to feel it a poor decision to help my fellow Americans, and my community?  I pray we haven't become so selfish.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not tooting my horn but I am trying to get out some frustration with all the questioning.  I am also trying to make people think about how they serve their community, because we should all be doing what we can (with what we have) to give back, whether it be in time, money, or prayer.  We all have the capacity to give, and as God's people by golly he CALLS us to.

Since 1994 Americorps members have given 1 billion hours of service to their communities.  I am one of about 800,000 for which Americorps seems like a great way to give back, learn, and grow.  When I left Meredith College I'd admit that I was ready to try and save the world.  No one single person can do that, but if thousands of us commit to serve in any sort of capacity, whether it be Americorps or just volunteering I know the world would look different.  Living on a budget that places me below the poverty line is both challenging and eye opening.  It reminds me of how much I have to be grateful for, but how much more simply I could be living.  1 in 7 Americans are living in poverty and of those living in poverty, one third are children… And people want to know why I decided to serve?!

The need for housing is rising. In our world there are 1 billion people living in slums.  I won't try to fix any of these problems alone, but I will make sure that I am part of a group that is trying.  Since I can only be a piece to the puzzle, I will also advocate and ask others to join in, from policymakers to folks in the private sector.  Going to the leadership conference for Habitat Americorps members gave me lots of ideas on what to ask, and do.  There is plenty to be done and I will remember that on the harder days.  I feel honored to be a part of the Habitat Americorps family and lucky that I had the opportunity to apply and move to Dallas to work with Habitat for Humanity.

I will get things done for America - to make our people safer, smarter, and healthier.

I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities.

Faced with apathy, I will take action.

Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground.

Faced with adversity, I will persevere.

I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond.

I am an AmeriCorps member, and I will get things done.

-Americorps member pledge

"What NOW?"

The sun hits my face and dries my tears as I watch Sansepolcro become further away.  Fast forward two weeks later and now I'm crying on the only piece of furniture I can claim as my own in a brand new city.  Transitions can happen FAST and taking the time to process them is challenging because life continues to move and HAPPEN. Making the new, the new NORM needs time.  Those were reminders all September long...

Now is a new month and there is still self doubt of decisions made (and in the making) and questions of what comes next even though there is still so much new.  Settling for what SEEMED like enough for a while wasn’t okay any longer early on this year.  Now I have willingly set myself up in a situation both challenging and  even sometimes lonely. I chose THIS.  So therefore there is reason my creator put me in this situation, doing what I am doing… right?

The transition to something new has looked different this time because I almost needed to take myself back to where I was in Italy, in a way that would remind me it all actually happened.  For me that has been reading "A Traveller in Italy" by H.V. Morton.  He goes on for pages about the smallest details of the most unexpected places, and that is part of the beauty I found myself while in Italy this summer.  I also found beauty in transformations, in myself, in students that chose to study abroad, and in what it all meant to me at the end of the experience.

I knew if I didn't take the time right now to process things a bit, I wouldn't have the chance for a long time.  That is because this week Dallas Area Habitat is helping build 30 new hopes in East Oak Cliff and refurbishing another 20.  We have our work cut out for us, but we are lucky to be a part of some great work!  I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is last week in Dallas without Mike too.  Saturday and Sunday afternoon football would be a bit more fun to watch with him here after all.  It'll be "the next big thing" for our relationship.  The other thing missing for me right now is a second job, and that is the last piece of the chaos that is HOPEFULLY ahead.  I am anxious for it all but I've tried to make time that is more still, a time to do just that-- be more still.  You see if someone asked me would I rather sit around on a Saturday at home or be out for various errands, meet-ups, or opportunities all day I would chose the later.  However, the extrovert in me has turned back into my own shell for a little bit of stillness every now and then, and I've allowed myself to be okay with that.

So here I am ready for whatever this next year, or three, or five, has to bring.  The challenge in the time ahead is to listen to my heart and pray for direction and vocation.  What is it that I have been put here to do?  I understand that those in my generation have more jobs before we are 30 than our parents generation have ever had, but there is something that seems oh so gratifying about working really hard for that one (or maybe it’s a few) thing that you want to be a part of--that mission, that movement, and your calling.

So what do I EXPECT (and hope) this next chapter to be?  I hope that I can learn about living a little more simply, giving a little more generously (even if its giving of my time) and listening to myself and others a bit more intentionally.   I recently read a speech MLK gave to a group of students about life's blueprint.  We should each think about what our blueprint is so we can build a life that we will look back and be proud of.  MLK reminded students that they should remember their worth, set out to do life well, and step into the doors that are opened for each of them. He simply suggested that we work hard and that the people we become should be the best version of ourselves, whatever that may look that.  So in this, my favorite month of October, cheers to loving and listening well, and as I did in August, continuing to have some fun. 

**Title quote by my dear friend Liz Yaros.

Giocare Sempre

My blog doesn't show this to be true, but I have been processing and writing and thinking a lot this month.  It happens in train rides, and in quiet moments, and sometimes I don't even get to write it down.  I think that getting your thoughts out, at least for me can help me release and get things off my mind. 

Sometimes you are writing in the moment, like this rough day last week:

"Uh oh its happening again. My throat is getting tight and I'm trying so hard not to lose it. Not here, don't cry in front of people Hannah. Get it together...Okay, maybe a good cry is what you need to feel better. Shit, here it goes.  Too many questions being asked--What are you doing here? Stop that, don't you see how lucky you are?!

These strange moments come up when you least expect them.  If you've been far from home for any extending period of time, you too probably know which moments I'm talking about.  Those epic cry fests where you wallow in all you miss and question why you are where you are.  I got to have one today, just as the rain started pouring down and I was walking back and forth just trying to stay busy. 

I think we have to endure these really tough moments because there are  then those moments of unexplainable joy when we least expect it too. "

That moment came because I had been thinking a lot about how it feels and what it means to be here, but was always brought back to the fact that it is human of us to be sad sometimes too, even if you're in a beautiful place. That's when I wrote this:

"It's human nature to be curious about the future or anxious for what is next. We so often find it impossible to live in the moment and savor it. I'm caught up with preparation and anticipation when, especially this summer, I should JUST BE.

All around me I see people capture a moment in time often taking too many pictures to realize the beauty around. Then and organizing the next move takes away from the chance you have to enjoy the moment you're in.  Why can't we love the time we have wherever God has us?  I am trying to abide and rest in his plan."

Then there are those thoughts that never leave.  Those ones that I have come to realize are probably not leaving for good reason.  They are in my head everyday, and I want them to be a part of what I do in the work that is ahead and in the life I live outside of my job:

"All of my thoughts often link back to my idea that everyone desires community in some sense of the term. Even if we all don't see it in the same way we want a place or a people that feels like home, that we can always get back to.  I think it is interesting to think about what community means to people in small towns, in bigger cities, in church communities, at the workplace, or in the place that you call "your community."

The last several weeks have been a whirlwind. Loved ones and friends coming and going.   Working abnormal hours and not following any sort of schedule for sleep literally has me walking in circles sometimes. 

I had to stop and think about this month before I left for Dublin and Bath though.  More so, I decided I needed to make sure August was what I wanted it to be.  It will be my last month before returning home for an entirely new adventure.

This week while drowning in apartment options (in almost every neighborhood in Dallas), and after distracting myself from that with So You Think You Can Dance videos, I realized I knew what August should be. I have to keep going (especially on Monday while running my 4th half marathon!) and I need to just play HAVE FUN, and enjoy the time!  As my dear friend (who I got to see in Italy this month!) reminded me before I left, play is so important.  It allows you to release and live in the moment, just as we know children do!

So in August: giocare 

Big Moves

It is hard to believe another month will begin next week, especially because  I am still trying to decipher where April  went and next month is JULY!  As another group prepares to leave the palazzo I reflect on all that happened for me personally this past month.  I experienced the challenges of trying to living presently, while being forced to plan for the future.

The more time that passes since graduating in 2012, the more clear I feel my next steps should be.  Quite the opposite has been happening up to this point.  I have had MORE experiences and those have really just created new interest.  I think the fun in all of the confusion is really thinking creatively on how I can connect a love of community, urban planning, design, relationships, small business practices, and entrepreneurship.  The more exciting part all of that is what is happening for me RIGHT NOW, by being here in Italy. To start, I am spending all of this time in Italy, hoping to discover myself a bit more.  I am learning along the way, which was one of my desires for the summer.  It was a desire to learn more about what I truly care about and what God might have in store for my life beyond Italy.  I haven't been so good on the reflecting part, but even when it seems I have more time for it, I will fill the time with something else.  The answers to where life would take me upon returning home came more quickly than I could imagine!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

So what's next?  I have the answers, and that is both something to be grateful for and eager about!  Early this month, as I tried to avoid the job search (upon finding out about my new September departure) and be more present, my boyfriend Mike was eager to connect with job prospects in his field.  One day he told me he had news to share and without thinking twice I knew that the news had to be job related.  Michael (yes, I call him both and it gets confusing) told me about the incredible job offer he had received and I immediately told him how crazy he would be if he didn’t take it.  The catch: the job offer was in Dallas, Texas.  We sat on this concept of moving to Texas for a few days, but we were certain that what was next for us was finally being in the same city.  So as hard as I was trying to live presently, all we could talk about was Dallas and what could be for MYSELF in that new place.  My own job search picked back up, but this time for jobs in Dallas.  I knew that I wanted to be working with Habitat, or an organization very similar so my search started through Americorps.  This could give me the chance to earn money for graduate school and build community which I have discovered is my number one desire for every new place I go.  It didn't take long for me to learn about what Habitat for Humanity was doing in the big city of Dallas and before I knew it my cover letter and resume were submitted.  As Michael and I continued talking about Dallas, and slowly introducing the idea to our family and friends, my application process took off!  In just a week I applied, interviewed, and accepted a position with Habitat for Humanity of Greater Dallas.  I will be working as a Family Services Coordinator through Americorps National starting in September!  I am grateful for the opportunity and I knew upon receiving the offer that it was the best thing for me on my own journey. 

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do -Ephesians 2:10

This new step will take me far from home, twice as far as DC was.  The challenges ahead seems to be hazy thoughts covered by the excitement and anticipation I have for my work with Habitat.  I know that the experience is going to teach me a tremendous amount, both about the organization, but also about living in community with others (and living on very little).  North Carolina and her beautiful mountains have always held a special place in my heart.  Early this year they became even more special because that is where I met Mike.  I won't hesitate to admit that he is the reason Dallas even became an idea, but we are both eager for what the experience will mean in our own ways. It is always hard to think about leaving a place you call home, but to think of creating a home in Dallas seems like the right next step. As I sit in my home here in Sansepolcro, Italy, I remain grateful for family and friends who have ALWAYS supported me, no matter where in the world my life takes me.  One day NC may call me home again, but for now I can't wait to see God's plans for me in the Lone Star state!!

St. Francis of Assisi

St. Francis of Assisi was the son of a wealthy silk merchant, living his life as a soldier and wealthy young man, until he had a vision.  He lost taste for worldly things and was moved to live in poverty.  Choosing to live a life with little to no worldly goods is hard to imagine.  We walk around saying we don't need these things but a frequent trip to LOFT is what sometimes kept me sane on sad lonely days in DC.  Material possessions (and the desire for them) are what kept my life insane from October to the end of the Holidays in January for the past two years (retail!).  I know we don’t live this way (a life of simplicity)-- not in the US, but not really anywhere.  It is a choice made my an individual who at some point in his or her life has an experience that is both profound and unworldly.  It is an experience that I feel can only be described by God's grace. How is it that St. Francis could live on so little by choice?!  He is evidence of God's grace working and proof that poverty has been a part of life since the 11th century. 

I am eager to learn about the life of someone who could have had what we call "The American Dream," but chose to have nothing--nothing of this world at least.  Instead he was filled with a desire to serve God and preach the good news to the people of Italy.  He created an entire community of followers who came to also believe that the "Franciscan way" of life was the way which was most related to the way Christ chose to live out his life.  As I think about how St. Francis must have trusted in God, I am astounded and ashamed.  Okay, I realize he was a saint, and God called on him in a specific and spectacular way.  My questions are: How did St. Francis find strength to life with nothing?  How did St. Francis share the word in a way that created a following of thousands.  God's love and persistence was there, no doubt. 

As I continue to live in Italy for the next two months I hope to learn more about the life and sacrifices of St. Francis of Assisi.  I also hope to carry these thoughts and observations from all that I learn into my next experience.  That is one that deserves a whole other blog post to explain.  And so I keep attempting to learn and search for new ideas everyday I am here...

The Process

When you are traveling you are on an adventure.  Even when you don’t want to admit it you are on a quest, a search for something deeper.  You may be looking for answers, or purpose, or more meaning to your life.  Perhaps you are just looking to escape.  I have felt that pressure--of what it's like to be a traveler since getting back to Italy.  Is it that I am still trying to figure out my desires for returning or because as a "traveler" I feel pressure to be on a deeper search?

 

I left college more certain of my purpose than I am as I sit here two years later.  More experiences have developed, more interests.  Instead of feeling a "calling" to one I begin to wonder if I'll just pick what sounds okay.  No, that can't be the right way though. 

I listened to a sermon yesterday and it was a reminder of that everything we do has meaning and we have to understand this thing called life is a process from "bring anointed to being appointed."  We are an instant gratification society these days, and my generation is especially eager and impatient.  This process was discussed as the point where we accept God's love leading to prayer, and our search for that purpose. 

When I get fearful of the unknown, all I am truly doing is missing today. My hope here is to accept the silence and listen to it, to soak it in.  So, be still, seek purpose, and understand the journey is often even more important than whatever the destination is.

"...And in the meantime, this side of Paradise, it is our business (not like so many peddlers of God's word, but as men and women of sincerity) to speak with our hearts (which is what sincerity means) and to bear witness to, and live out of, and live toward, and live by, the true word of his holy story as it seeks to stammer itself forth through the holy stories of us all." -Frederick Buechner

Check Yourself

I guess this is a check in with myself, because I haven't been writing like I should.  I am not happy that i've only found time to write when my head is too full NOT to.  It can't all get out when that is the only time I write.  My schedule may not be packed, but I am still observing and learning.  That is worthy of reflecting upon.

My thoughts on being present so far this month: Life is happening. Things are continuing to move and change while I'm here in Italy. Most importantly in THIS very moment, I am trying to find time to pray.  Big and exciting things have happened and big decisions are being made.   Sometimes when big and exciting things happen they're the only thing that you think about.  For me, the exciting future that could be ahead is too far off from what is now.  As of today, I have officially extended my time here, so that means I should be working harder to build community.  All this to say?  If you haven't realized my number one goal has been my biggest challenge so far in June.

Fundraising has been so much fun, but the momentum must keep up!  I still need just under $400 to make my June goal.   The biggest challenge is being creative enough to find new donors and thinking of ways to reach out to my community here in Italy.   I love fundraising but I have to connect with folks in Sansepolcro in order to have an event, or get donations. 

The Italian comes back in small spurts.  I remember a verb just when I need it most, although I am most likely not conjugating it correctly.  I did realize that trying to study 2 verbs, a few adjectives, and about 5 nouns may be a good plan for the rest of the month. 

Have to learn Italian to get folks to learn about my race and fundraising, and to build community.  Should write more so I can reflect and then continue to enjoy each present moment a bit more.  Yeah, it all goes hand-in-hand...

Continuing to work on things for HM Designs.  Created an inspiration page to add to my website for a bit of flair and individualism.  Work in progress.  Next, I want to meet and work with more artists here in Sansepolcro.