PRIVILEGED-March 23rd (PM)
Today I feel overwhelmingly privileged. Perhaps it is part of my journey to stop and realize i'm privileged, but to then think of for what reason that may be. Not only is it a blessing to have come to South Africa, but to be here in Zambia, with the amazing people I have built relationships with and to know I have people that love me in South Africa when I return Friday and people that love me back in the US now, when I return in June, and forever. I am grateful to be loved, to feel love for others, and to be falling in love right now.
From The Last Summer (of You & Me) By:Ann Brashares
"Healing wasn't always the best thing. Sometimes a hole was better left open. Sometimes it healed too thick and too well and left separate pieces fused and incompetent, and it was harder to reopen after that."
"Sometimes I see it as a tricky mountain pass between two valleys, other times it's like perilous straits connecting two lands. Partly it's the fear that I won't be able to get back. I'll turn around and the cloud will have settled over the mountain, or the waters will have risen and shifted and there will be no way home... The real fear is that I won't be able to go home"
It's become easy for me to make myself at home with the people i've met and in the places i've gone. This will be night 4 at Jollyboys and already I feel at home amongst the colorful patterns on the cushions and by the pool reading. Maybe it's not the actual goodbye, but the fear that back home it isn't how I left it or that the comfort I feel in one place won't be able to be felt in another. How can two places or persons be the same though? Every place and person is different and unique for a reason. Things won't ever be the same when I go home at any point because things happened for those people when I was away and things (a lot of things already!) will have happened for me.
HEADING HOME-March, 25th
We're headed out of Zambia now and I can't believe break is almost over. I hate that it went by as fast as it did about as much as I hate the amount of money I spent (no birthday/Christmas gifts for a while!), but I am also very happy and grateful for the time I spent in Livingstone and for the people I got to spend it with. I learned that I like control on this trip because I planned many of our activities. I didn't mind it because then I knew it was planned. It did create frustration, which may have outweighed the control towards the end. When people wanted plans changed I kind of felt like the blame was put on me, but the trip was well worth the planning it took and also the money spent, because I will never get a chance to do something like this in the future (as far as I can see at least). As we prepare to return to South Africa I am excited to be back "home" and also back to the friends I have missed.
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