Was that a dream?

June 14^th 2011

Now that I am back home and rearranging life while frantically searching for some work (so I can have money and keep my sanity in Laurinburg) I realize that I was REALLY just in beautiful South Africa for 5 months.  I can’t believe the semester I wanted from the moment I arrived as a freshman at Meredith has already come and gone before I could catch my breath.  As I begin to prepare for my last year of college and begin to realize that I must really get my mess together in the next year I panic.  I had some really good talk time with friends today and I almost wished I could have recorded our conversations because it was as if there was realization after realization about life after school and just things ahead in life like work, bills, and marriage.  I am not trying to say I need to figure all or any of those things out JUST yet, but at least the work part has got me under a bit of stress.  I know my search has only begun if I actually want to find some kind of work, but it also frustrating because I am neither here in Laurinburg long enough to work (that is a good but bad thing) or open to doing just anything.  I mean I would like to be happy doing what I am doing and while I understand I am most likely not going to find a paid job that will benefit my interior design studies, I can’t wear a cap and sit at a drive thru either.  I guess this gap between now and August is hard because I am not sure of what is ahead (at least between August and May) but I have no idea how I will find a good job and be happy here in Laurinburg right now.  This is a concern that arose within me before even leaving Stellenbosch, but now that I am physically in Laurinburg it is more present.  I would really like to find work, but whether that comes through or not I do know that there are a few more things I want for my summer and so I will try to rather focus on those goals instead so that I can feel productive and accomplished through them.  Some of these include continuing to work out, organizing all of my things, working through a cookbook, and just reflecting on the semester.

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills. –Buddah