Always Up To Something

I'm at a point in my life/career/20s that I feel should be a bit more reflective.  I've finished school, but am not totally tied down by a husband or children.  I am at an exciting point, and I feel like almost anything can happen in the next 5 years.  However, I often catch myself wondering if I really am doing ALL I can be doing.  When I get to that point I often times wonder if I am doing enough stuff, rather than if I am doing what I already have on my plate the best way I can.  It is something that I have really been thinking about a lot recently, in particular one night last week.

I came home last Wednesday, after realizing I didn't in fact have to go into work at my part-time Pier One job.  Although I spent the majority of the afternoon thinking about how tired I was and how great it would be to just have some down time, I was a bit angry when I left work after finding out I had written down the wrong date, and wasn't on the schedule.  There I was getting what I actually wanted all day long, until I went into work at Pier One.  Why did I feel like I had to make a full agenda for the night after getting home with no work?!  These are the questions I wish I could answer about myself.  

I recently read this article, realizing that while I do feel like a busy person, I also feel like much of what I choose to do is self-imposed, because I CHOSE to do certain things.  

Here is the article by Tim Kreider.  Now keep in mind I am not trying to flee from DC (just yet), although it is a quite busy city, but I am trying to consider the choices I make for my spare time everyday.  I think there is a balance between daily happy hours and time spent alone.  There can't be too much of either, at least for me.  The author of this article states it like this: "It’s hard to find anything to say about life without immersing yourself in the world, but it’s also just about impossible to figure out what it might be, or how best to say it, without getting the hell out of it again."  I agree with that in a way.  You want to live life fully so you can appreciate the time you have, as well as learn from new and different experiences.  Yet, if you don't sit still long enough to reflect on those new opportunities and experiences, what good is it to have had them?  I think I have to start taking things in better. That is what that thought boils down to for me.  Taking things in better means taking more TIME to be STILL.   Again, Kreider writes, "The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done."  I've been fighting to find this balance for a while.  We are reminded in Psalm 46:10 to "be still" and understand that God is ever present and working in our lives.  That verse is one I know I have turned to many times in my life when I find myself in these overwhelming situations.  Although I have downsized planners and don't come home with "homework," I feel a need to stay active and busy.  I move forward with the hope that there is a calm, silent space a midst life in a busy and exciting city.