Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Without Risks

Author Note: I am embarrassed when I see the amount of time that has passed since I last blogged.  It hasn't been that long since I last started an entry or had an idea I wanted to share, but it's just that sitting down and creating a post that would actually make any sense to everyone else but me can be challenging.  Sometimes we have ideas that we think are a bit crazy and sometimes it may be best to keep those inside.  I need to write more though.  It brings about a feeling of release and that is why going into this new year I told myself that it was time to commit to making the time to share life through my blog once again. 

Now that I have written an entire intro to a simple blog post to lessen my writers block guilt I can move onto this new goal and this new year.  Isn't it crazy we are in 2014 already!?  I mean how did that happen?  There is NO way I graduated almost 2 years ago from Meredith College, but enough with what was.  I want to make this year awesome. That's truly my simple resolution.  If I am doing all of the little things I have thought would make the year great, then I will undoubtedly have an awesome year.

I entered this past advent season in a bit of darkness about what this year could bring and as the weeks passed and I decided what I knew this year could and SHOULD be, I made my way into the light.  Last year I remained in DC and continued my search for community, a vision that hasn't been painted clear but that I know will come with time.  I continued to grow in my job as a manager where a lot of physical transitions were happening, but I remained with the same company.  This year it is about the risks though and that means change is up ahead.

I was "home" at Meredith College for Cornhuskin this year when a mentor and friend of mine sat down with me for a quick catch up. There I was, talking about my year and how I knew the next year had to look different.  She has always been good about being 1)honest 2)straight forward.  I carry our conversation with me throughout this season of Epiphany because it is a realization that takes me into this next phase: "Without risk there can be no change, and without change no breakthroughs." 

What breakthroughs might happen this year?  Well that is the fun part.  We chose the risks we take, but we have no ideas what the change will look like or what it will later help us realize.  That all sounds beautiful but I also thought it beneficial to share a sliver of what a not so hopeful and impatient heart wrote just recently:

How is it 2014, a year that I insist will be full of opportunity yet I am worried that it is already here and I haven't prepared myself enough for it!  I don’t have the money to move on to the next opportunity.  I don't have the next opportunity to get me to the other opportunity waiting further down the road.  I don't think I am using my time wisely.  What could I be doing differently?  I ask myself all of these questions yet they overwhelm me and then nothing happens except a stagnant young women refusing to actually listen in her stillness but if I don’t listen how can I know what opportunities are there or which ones I should take.  I fill my days with work and if work cant fill my time, something less meaningful sneaks in. (January 9)

Many thanks to Jan Richardson for her beautiful words in this Epiphany blessing which I will end this (but stick around, because I have more coming soon!) post with:

For Those Who Have Far to Travel
An Epiphany Blessing
If you could see
the journey whole
you might never
undertake it;
might never dare
the first step
that propels you
from the place
you have known
toward the place
you know not.
Call it
one of the mercies
of the road:
that we see it
only by stages
as it opens
before us,
as it comes into
our keeping
step by
single step.
There is nothing
for it
but to go
and by our going
take the vows
the pilgrim takes:
to be faithful to
the next step;
to rely on more
than the map;
to heed the signposts
of intuition and dream;
to follow the star
that only you
will recognize;
to keep an open eye
for the wonders that
attend the path;
to press on
beyond distractions
beyond fatigue
beyond what would
tempt you
from the way.
There are vows
that only you
will know;
the secret promises
for your particular path
and the new ones
you will need to make
when the road
is revealed
by turns
you could not
have foreseen.
Keep them, break them,
make them again:
each promise becomes
part of the path;
each choice creates
the road
that will take you
to the place
where at last
you will kneel
to offer the gift
most needed—
the gift that only you
can give—
before turning to go
home by
another way.

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