Giocare Sempre

My blog doesn't show this to be true, but I have been processing and writing and thinking a lot this month.  It happens in train rides, and in quiet moments, and sometimes I don't even get to write it down.  I think that getting your thoughts out, at least for me can help me release and get things off my mind. 

Sometimes you are writing in the moment, like this rough day last week:

"Uh oh its happening again. My throat is getting tight and I'm trying so hard not to lose it. Not here, don't cry in front of people Hannah. Get it together...Okay, maybe a good cry is what you need to feel better. Shit, here it goes.  Too many questions being asked--What are you doing here? Stop that, don't you see how lucky you are?!

These strange moments come up when you least expect them.  If you've been far from home for any extending period of time, you too probably know which moments I'm talking about.  Those epic cry fests where you wallow in all you miss and question why you are where you are.  I got to have one today, just as the rain started pouring down and I was walking back and forth just trying to stay busy. 

I think we have to endure these really tough moments because there are  then those moments of unexplainable joy when we least expect it too. "

That moment came because I had been thinking a lot about how it feels and what it means to be here, but was always brought back to the fact that it is human of us to be sad sometimes too, even if you're in a beautiful place. That's when I wrote this:

"It's human nature to be curious about the future or anxious for what is next. We so often find it impossible to live in the moment and savor it. I'm caught up with preparation and anticipation when, especially this summer, I should JUST BE.

All around me I see people capture a moment in time often taking too many pictures to realize the beauty around. Then and organizing the next move takes away from the chance you have to enjoy the moment you're in.  Why can't we love the time we have wherever God has us?  I am trying to abide and rest in his plan."

Then there are those thoughts that never leave.  Those ones that I have come to realize are probably not leaving for good reason.  They are in my head everyday, and I want them to be a part of what I do in the work that is ahead and in the life I live outside of my job:

"All of my thoughts often link back to my idea that everyone desires community in some sense of the term. Even if we all don't see it in the same way we want a place or a people that feels like home, that we can always get back to.  I think it is interesting to think about what community means to people in small towns, in bigger cities, in church communities, at the workplace, or in the place that you call "your community."

The last several weeks have been a whirlwind. Loved ones and friends coming and going.   Working abnormal hours and not following any sort of schedule for sleep literally has me walking in circles sometimes. 

I had to stop and think about this month before I left for Dublin and Bath though.  More so, I decided I needed to make sure August was what I wanted it to be.  It will be my last month before returning home for an entirely new adventure.

This week while drowning in apartment options (in almost every neighborhood in Dallas), and after distracting myself from that with So You Think You Can Dance videos, I realized I knew what August should be. I have to keep going (especially on Monday while running my 4th half marathon!) and I need to just play HAVE FUN, and enjoy the time!  As my dear friend (who I got to see in Italy this month!) reminded me before I left, play is so important.  It allows you to release and live in the moment, just as we know children do!

So in August: giocare